Well, the snow is here and Thanksgiving has come and gone which means Christmas season is upon us all. Christmas is a weird holiday for me now that I a divorced, re-married, mommy and an adult. I remember Christmas when I was a kid, ALL my family together under one roof. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, Family friends that are pretty much family and any one else we knew who had no where to go for the holidays. I miss those times. I am not sure if it is because I have grown up and notice things more or if things have actually changed so much over these years, but my family is so fractured now. I am not talking about my relationship with my parents or my own family here, but just in general. We all used to live so close together, hang out together and just love each other unconditionally. At least thats how it felt, maybe I was blind to the drama then, but seeing it now within my family is sad. I always felt that my family was something special, no one else I knew ever hung with their cousins or crashed with their Aunts and Uncles for the weekend or hung with their family like we did growing up.
I was really looking forward to giving that to my children, letting them share in that joy. However, with everyone living so far apart, and all the drama, i feel like they are missing something in their lives and I feel like people dont even make any effort to stay connected and it is sad. The boys have Guy's family here to see, but there are no little kids to grow up with and no playful Aunts and Uncles that take them over night to have slumber parties. And now with Christmas coming again I am missing it all even more. With the boys Chistmas time split between my house and Guy's house I feel like the time with them is rushed. I wont even get the boys until Christmas afternoon. It is not about celebrating, because were doing all the same stuff, just a day late. They will get Christmas time with their Grandparents, but again, no other kids to enjoy the season with and it leaves just James and I home. Not that I dont love my husband, but it feels lonely and sorta un-natural with how I grew up, for it to be so quiet and lonely on such a big holiday. Their are no piles of presents, mountains of food, loud mouth Snell's and no uncles to torture my kids with teasing. There is not even James' side of the family to visit because they are so far away.
I am glad my parents seem to always be able to make it in for Thanksgiving, because I dont know how well I would do with two back to back holidays with no one around to remind me how much I love and miss my family. I wish that the pass conditions were better and that jobs and custody plans had more flexibility to be able to drive to Seattle to be with my parents and sister on Christmas and let me boys have at least a small taste of what I once had.
Sorry so depressing, but I have just been thinking about and missing my family lately...especially the way it once was...Maybe I am just getting older and the magic of the season is wearing off, but I sure hope not. I will be trying over the next few years to give my boys tradition and surround them with people who love them, even if they are not technically family, so they never have to feel like they missed out.
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