Well, the snow is here and Thanksgiving has come and gone which means Christmas season is upon us all. Christmas is a weird holiday for me now that I a divorced, re-married, mommy and an adult. I remember Christmas when I was a kid, ALL my family together under one roof. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, Family friends that are pretty much family and any one else we knew who had no where to go for the holidays. I miss those times. I am not sure if it is because I have grown up and notice things more or if things have actually changed so much over these years, but my family is so fractured now. I am not talking about my relationship with my parents or my own family here, but just in general. We all used to live so close together, hang out together and just love each other unconditionally. At least thats how it felt, maybe I was blind to the drama then, but seeing it now within my family is sad. I always felt that my family was something special, no one else I knew ever hung with their cousins or crashed with their Aunts and Uncles for the weekend or hung with their family like we did growing up.
I was really looking forward to giving that to my children, letting them share in that joy. However, with everyone living so far apart, and all the drama, i feel like they are missing something in their lives and I feel like people dont even make any effort to stay connected and it is sad. The boys have Guy's family here to see, but there are no little kids to grow up with and no playful Aunts and Uncles that take them over night to have slumber parties. And now with Christmas coming again I am missing it all even more. With the boys Chistmas time split between my house and Guy's house I feel like the time with them is rushed. I wont even get the boys until Christmas afternoon. It is not about celebrating, because were doing all the same stuff, just a day late. They will get Christmas time with their Grandparents, but again, no other kids to enjoy the season with and it leaves just James and I home. Not that I dont love my husband, but it feels lonely and sorta un-natural with how I grew up, for it to be so quiet and lonely on such a big holiday. Their are no piles of presents, mountains of food, loud mouth Snell's and no uncles to torture my kids with teasing. There is not even James' side of the family to visit because they are so far away.
I am glad my parents seem to always be able to make it in for Thanksgiving, because I dont know how well I would do with two back to back holidays with no one around to remind me how much I love and miss my family. I wish that the pass conditions were better and that jobs and custody plans had more flexibility to be able to drive to Seattle to be with my parents and sister on Christmas and let me boys have at least a small taste of what I once had.
Sorry so depressing, but I have just been thinking about and missing my family lately...especially the way it once was...Maybe I am just getting older and the magic of the season is wearing off, but I sure hope not. I will be trying over the next few years to give my boys tradition and surround them with people who love them, even if they are not technically family, so they never have to feel like they missed out.
December 4, 2010
November 8, 2010
Overly Irritated
What is with days like this? I woke up grumpy...I can feel it...everything is irritating me. The fact that its cold, that Cam is destroying my living room, that Cam will NOT STOP TALKING!, that Mason came home with a bad attitude from Grandmas this morning and the boys did nothing but tattle on each other all morning...there is more too...I just hate days like this. I am trying to get my coffee down in hopes it helps, but I just dont know if it will...hopefully God will help me keep my temper and irritation at bay today...
I am thinking it is a manifestation of other things...I am lonely...yes, James is often home and I LOVE spending those days with him, but I am hungry for mommy friends. I really need other stay at home moms that I can get together with during the long days alone with children. Even if we are just sitting at my house or theirs, at least there is an adult to talk to and help keep me sane in the midst of all the whining and playing and mess. I am praying that God will bring people into my life that I can actually count on and trust...I have always had a tough time making long lasting meaningful friendships...not sure why...but I am really needing some...
I am thinking it is a manifestation of other things...I am lonely...yes, James is often home and I LOVE spending those days with him, but I am hungry for mommy friends. I really need other stay at home moms that I can get together with during the long days alone with children. Even if we are just sitting at my house or theirs, at least there is an adult to talk to and help keep me sane in the midst of all the whining and playing and mess. I am praying that God will bring people into my life that I can actually count on and trust...I have always had a tough time making long lasting meaningful friendships...not sure why...but I am really needing some...
October 19, 2010
Ok...maybe they were right...
getting your tonsils out when you are older than 10 really does suck...
Mason's went so well, he was on Tylenol and Motrin and that was it...he had some tough days, but did really well...me on the other hand...It has been better than I thought it would, but has sucked. The first few days were ok, my throat did not hurt at all, it was my jaw and tongue that hurt like crazy! I guess it is from them forcing my mouth open so far and yanking the tongue out of the way, it was so swollen I kept biting it and making it worse! It hurt to eat those days because it hurt to chew anything, ice cream and really cold water were great because it helped to numb the pain some.
Then day 6 hit...lets just say I went from ugh, this hurts, to OW! and tears. My throat started to really hurt at this point and the scabs forming grossed me out and I had a hard time swallowing anything, even my own spit and I had so much mucus build up that it would gag me (i know, possibly to much info...). I lived on pain meds every 3 hours (even though they really only helped for maybe 2 of those 3-and they were supposed to be taken only every 4) through day 6, 7 and half of today, day 8.
Then, this afternoon I started feeling a bit better...yes, the throat still hurts, the jaw is still sore, the tongue is still kinda swollen, but I feel better than the previous 2.5 days. Hopefully, that means I am on the up swing of the healing now! We will see. Cam is at Grandma Dodi's for a few days so I can continue to rest and take it easy and heal up well.
I would like to spend a special shout out and thank you to my Daddy! Who came out here for a whole week, gave up his vacation time and took care of my kids so I could rest. I love you and dont know how I would have made it through this week without you here. I dont know any other way, but to say Thank-You again and I love you, to tell you how much it meant to me that you would give up your time to help me for that long and to play "Mr. Mom" when it is something that you are not used to at all. You did a great job and the boys loved having you this week.
Mason's went so well, he was on Tylenol and Motrin and that was it...he had some tough days, but did really well...me on the other hand...It has been better than I thought it would, but has sucked. The first few days were ok, my throat did not hurt at all, it was my jaw and tongue that hurt like crazy! I guess it is from them forcing my mouth open so far and yanking the tongue out of the way, it was so swollen I kept biting it and making it worse! It hurt to eat those days because it hurt to chew anything, ice cream and really cold water were great because it helped to numb the pain some.
Then day 6 hit...lets just say I went from ugh, this hurts, to OW! and tears. My throat started to really hurt at this point and the scabs forming grossed me out and I had a hard time swallowing anything, even my own spit and I had so much mucus build up that it would gag me (i know, possibly to much info...). I lived on pain meds every 3 hours (even though they really only helped for maybe 2 of those 3-and they were supposed to be taken only every 4) through day 6, 7 and half of today, day 8.
Then, this afternoon I started feeling a bit better...yes, the throat still hurts, the jaw is still sore, the tongue is still kinda swollen, but I feel better than the previous 2.5 days. Hopefully, that means I am on the up swing of the healing now! We will see. Cam is at Grandma Dodi's for a few days so I can continue to rest and take it easy and heal up well.
I would like to spend a special shout out and thank you to my Daddy! Who came out here for a whole week, gave up his vacation time and took care of my kids so I could rest. I love you and dont know how I would have made it through this week without you here. I dont know any other way, but to say Thank-You again and I love you, to tell you how much it meant to me that you would give up your time to help me for that long and to play "Mr. Mom" when it is something that you are not used to at all. You did a great job and the boys loved having you this week.
September 19, 2010
Oh, How I love Fall!!!
Let me just say that I am happy to usher in this new season! And let me tell you all my reasons why...I love the fact that I can wear real shoes again, that I can wear jeans, that I can snuggle into a sweatshirt or a blanket, that I need more than a sheet on my bed, that I can cuddle with my husband without feeling like I will catch fire, that I can make soup, that I can turn my oven on without wanting to die, that the leaves are already starting to change, that there are days when it does nothing but rain, that I do not have to lather my children in sunscreen every 2 hours, that school is back in session...shall I go on... :) (I am hoping to be able to make a trip over the pass when the leaves are changing!)
Anyways, things are good here as fall rushes in. James is working a lot (awesome for pay checks, but we miss him at home after having him around so long), and I got a great nanny position. It is with a 9 week old baby girl who comes to my house. We just work her right into our lives (although i forgot the trials of babies and the fact that she wants to be held so much) and the $600 extra bucks a month is a gift from God!
Mason is loving school, most of the time, he is already asking if he has to go everyday LOL. I just keep telling him to suck it up, he has at least 12 years ahead of him! But he is learning quickly and making friends. Cam is great too, growing like crazy. He is getting taller and taller and slimming out more and more. He is still a Mama's boy and a complete charmer...although, his 2 year old shines through often :) They are both already thinking about what they want to be for Halloween, dragons and soldiers, and Mason is super excited that Christmas and his b-day follow shortly after.
I am looking forward to the holidays this year. With finances actually coming in and bills starting to be paid we may be able to enjoy this time a little more this year without out all the added financial stress. God has blessed our family abundantly this year, even though at times we may not have been able to see it. Looking back though, it was great to have James with us at home. It gave us all a chance to bond and play and be a family, sure the finances were excruciatingly painful, but we had a ton of fun doing things together as a family. I look forward to more times like those :)
So, thats our life in a nutshell right now...It will be much the same for a few months I am sure, as we work diligently in the jobs God has blessed us with and get out finances back on track.
Anyways, things are good here as fall rushes in. James is working a lot (awesome for pay checks, but we miss him at home after having him around so long), and I got a great nanny position. It is with a 9 week old baby girl who comes to my house. We just work her right into our lives (although i forgot the trials of babies and the fact that she wants to be held so much) and the $600 extra bucks a month is a gift from God!
Mason is loving school, most of the time, he is already asking if he has to go everyday LOL. I just keep telling him to suck it up, he has at least 12 years ahead of him! But he is learning quickly and making friends. Cam is great too, growing like crazy. He is getting taller and taller and slimming out more and more. He is still a Mama's boy and a complete charmer...although, his 2 year old shines through often :) They are both already thinking about what they want to be for Halloween, dragons and soldiers, and Mason is super excited that Christmas and his b-day follow shortly after.
I am looking forward to the holidays this year. With finances actually coming in and bills starting to be paid we may be able to enjoy this time a little more this year without out all the added financial stress. God has blessed our family abundantly this year, even though at times we may not have been able to see it. Looking back though, it was great to have James with us at home. It gave us all a chance to bond and play and be a family, sure the finances were excruciatingly painful, but we had a ton of fun doing things together as a family. I look forward to more times like those :)
So, thats our life in a nutshell right now...It will be much the same for a few months I am sure, as we work diligently in the jobs God has blessed us with and get out finances back on track.
September 2, 2010
My baby started school!
Well, it is official, the first Snell of the next generation has started school! He was so excited for today and I was so nervous (yep, even shed a few tears)...never thought I would be like that. My biggest problem was the riding the bus part. I was just so scared that he would not make it, or get off to early or something like that. My mother felt the need to remind me that children have been riding buses for years and they have this down, and to that I answered "Ya, well not with my baby they haven't!" LOL
All styled up and ready to go!
The Star Wars back pack I had to search to find
Standin outside his school
Hangin his bag in his locker!
Gettin off the bus for the first time!
Anyways, he did great, loved it all and got home safe. He even came home and told me that some kids were not very good and they did not listen as well as he did LOL........I cant believe this day got here so quickly and my baby is no longer a baby...
All styled up and ready to go!
The Star Wars back pack I had to search to find
Standin outside his school
Hangin his bag in his locker!
Gettin off the bus for the first time!
Anyways, he did great, loved it all and got home safe. He even came home and told me that some kids were not very good and they did not listen as well as he did LOL........I cant believe this day got here so quickly and my baby is no longer a baby...
July 3, 2010
Seriously? 6 Months?
Ok, so when I started this blog I really did have intentions of keeping up with it...I swear. However, I am apparently not very good at it... I used to post a lot on the family blog, and it seemed silly to come and post a lot of the same stuff over here, because I think the only people that really ever read over here are my family!
I just spent some time reading over my past posts, and realized something though...even if no one else is reading, it is a nice place for me! It is place for me to remember, a place for me vent and a place for me to share...even if there are not many people following. A lot has gone on in my life the past 2 years that I have had this blog. Some good, some hard, some challenging, and many rewarding things. I know that over the last 2 years I have made many decisions in my life that some people may look at and question, but you know what? I am happy.
I don't have to justify the decisions I have made, even though they may have put me in some hard situations, especially financial ones. Finances are not everything. I know that many things in life cannot be done without your financial ducks in a row so to speak, but it is really not all there is in life. Yes, I would like to have no debt and be able to do a little more a little more often, and I plan on working on that debt hard over the coming years ... but whats the most important is I love the man I am with and I have great kids. James makes me happy, he makes me laugh and he loves me, my kids and he takes care of me. My kids are happy, healthy and a joy to be with, and my relationship with God is at a place it has never been before.
I know that He is providing for us and that what He thinks of my life is really the only opinion that matters. He will bring to us what we need, when we need it and I am trusting in Him to bring us through this tough stage in our finances. Like I said, our finances may be struggling, but many other things in my life are flourishing, the most important of those is my relationship with my Creator. I know that that relationship may not seem as important to many that read this blog, but it is the most important thing for me. I want my life on track with the things He wants FROM me and FOR me, and I want my children raised in a house where He is very present and they know that they can always turn to Him for the things they need.
I look forward to what the next two years hold for my life and my family and my relationship with God. I know that it will not always be easy and that we will struggle, be fearful and shed tears, but we WILL have unending love, peace, comfort and strength from our Savior, who WILL bring us through this in His own time as long as we believe and are faithful in doing the things that are expected from us.
I just spent some time reading over my past posts, and realized something though...even if no one else is reading, it is a nice place for me! It is place for me to remember, a place for me vent and a place for me to share...even if there are not many people following. A lot has gone on in my life the past 2 years that I have had this blog. Some good, some hard, some challenging, and many rewarding things. I know that over the last 2 years I have made many decisions in my life that some people may look at and question, but you know what? I am happy.
I don't have to justify the decisions I have made, even though they may have put me in some hard situations, especially financial ones. Finances are not everything. I know that many things in life cannot be done without your financial ducks in a row so to speak, but it is really not all there is in life. Yes, I would like to have no debt and be able to do a little more a little more often, and I plan on working on that debt hard over the coming years ... but whats the most important is I love the man I am with and I have great kids. James makes me happy, he makes me laugh and he loves me, my kids and he takes care of me. My kids are happy, healthy and a joy to be with, and my relationship with God is at a place it has never been before.
I know that He is providing for us and that what He thinks of my life is really the only opinion that matters. He will bring to us what we need, when we need it and I am trusting in Him to bring us through this tough stage in our finances. Like I said, our finances may be struggling, but many other things in my life are flourishing, the most important of those is my relationship with my Creator. I know that that relationship may not seem as important to many that read this blog, but it is the most important thing for me. I want my life on track with the things He wants FROM me and FOR me, and I want my children raised in a house where He is very present and they know that they can always turn to Him for the things they need.
I look forward to what the next two years hold for my life and my family and my relationship with God. I know that it will not always be easy and that we will struggle, be fearful and shed tears, but we WILL have unending love, peace, comfort and strength from our Savior, who WILL bring us through this in His own time as long as we believe and are faithful in doing the things that are expected from us.
January 25, 2010
updates...
Well, I have started back to school, and it is kicking my butt a little bit getting back into the sing of things. I am taking Astronomy, US History and First Aid. THe Astronomy class is what is getting to me the most, it is tough, but I do find a lot of what I am learning in there interesting. I also like the History class too, the book we are working out of is good and it looks like we soon get to dive in detail into a subject of our choice. That will be nice, because I can focus on something that interests me, like how slavery was abolished.
In other news, James is still unemployed...it has been a month and a half now, and it is starting to get very discouraging. We have put our TONS of resumes, sent tons of emails for postings on Craigslist, and have heard nothing back from anyone. He has been talking with a security company, who are supposed to sign a new contract mid-February and then they are supposed to call him to take a place with that new contract, but the waiting is tough. This weekend James went with out neighbor Aaron; who is awesome by the way, we totally love him; and met up with one of his friend who has a lot of side work. He will have him doing stuff such as fixing cars and remodeling some of his rentals through the month, so that will bring in a couple hundred bucks, so that is good...so basically, we are just playing the waiting game in this horrible economy...
The boys are doing great. Mason is learning to write his name and recognize letters and numbers. He still talks a mile a minute and asks 5 million questions an hour. He has been shooting up like crazy, growing out of clothes and shoes and playing differently, much more imaginative. Camden too it talking a lot, at his 18 mth check over the summer, they said if he did not start talking soon we would have to look into it, well he is MORE than making up for it now. He has picked up all kinds of words and it putting together short sentences. He is completely rotten, but so cute you cant help but smile and squeeze him lol.
I am hoping we can get to Seattle soon for a visit, but it is going to depend in jobs...when James gets one we will have the money, but possibly not the time! lol. We are hoping to get Jon here in March too, with James sister, Jessica. We have yet to have Jon here because of finances, so we are really hoping with job money and tax money that we will be able to have him with us for a while! We miss him!
Well, I guess that's it for now!
In other news, James is still unemployed...it has been a month and a half now, and it is starting to get very discouraging. We have put our TONS of resumes, sent tons of emails for postings on Craigslist, and have heard nothing back from anyone. He has been talking with a security company, who are supposed to sign a new contract mid-February and then they are supposed to call him to take a place with that new contract, but the waiting is tough. This weekend James went with out neighbor Aaron; who is awesome by the way, we totally love him; and met up with one of his friend who has a lot of side work. He will have him doing stuff such as fixing cars and remodeling some of his rentals through the month, so that will bring in a couple hundred bucks, so that is good...so basically, we are just playing the waiting game in this horrible economy...
The boys are doing great. Mason is learning to write his name and recognize letters and numbers. He still talks a mile a minute and asks 5 million questions an hour. He has been shooting up like crazy, growing out of clothes and shoes and playing differently, much more imaginative. Camden too it talking a lot, at his 18 mth check over the summer, they said if he did not start talking soon we would have to look into it, well he is MORE than making up for it now. He has picked up all kinds of words and it putting together short sentences. He is completely rotten, but so cute you cant help but smile and squeeze him lol.
I am hoping we can get to Seattle soon for a visit, but it is going to depend in jobs...when James gets one we will have the money, but possibly not the time! lol. We are hoping to get Jon here in March too, with James sister, Jessica. We have yet to have Jon here because of finances, so we are really hoping with job money and tax money that we will be able to have him with us for a while! We miss him!
Well, I guess that's it for now!
January 13, 2010
2009 a year in review
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Had 3 very long road trips!
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I dont think i made any last year...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Stephanie had little tiny Connor right before Thanksgiving.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No
5. What countries did you visit?
None
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Financial freedom
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
March 10th, the day I actually got to meet James face to face
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting James home to Wa where he belongs
9. What was your biggest failure?
Becoming impatient with my kids
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just hugely swollen tonsils all summer long
11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Explorer, and plane tickets to see James
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My sisters, i think she may not be so stupid any more! lol Love you Peach!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ihave a few that irritated me, but I will keep them to myself
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, bills, bills....and travel
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finally being with James
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2009?
Keith Urban's Defying Gravity
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier/sadder,thinner/heavier,richer/poorer?happier, about the same and poorer...boo on the last
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Enjoying Cam being little...I did alot of it, but looking back it never seems like enough.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Hands down James
22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Well, I fell in love late in 2008, but finally got to be with that love in 2009
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Um,
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope, frusterated with some, but not hate
26. What was the best book(s) you read?
I dont have time to read for pleasure, its all kids books or textbooks lol
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
um... I have no clue
28. What did you want and get?
James
29. What did you want and not get?
money lol
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Star Trek was WAY better than I thought it would be and I actually really liked it, and I loved The Proposal.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ate and saw a movie with James
32. What's one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seeing my Grandparents
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Pretty much the same, basic
34. What kept you sane?
Im not sane ;)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
no idea
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Just watching the elections I guess
37. Who did you miss?
My family...all of them
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My 8th street neighbors, Jessica, Chelsea and Craig and Aaron and their kids
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
To think for myself
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
"Even when the rain falls, Even when the flood starts rising, Even when the storm comes, I am washed by the water" - Need to Breathe, Washed by the Water
*Thanks, Delayna :) I stole this from her blog*
Had 3 very long road trips!
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I dont think i made any last year...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Stephanie had little tiny Connor right before Thanksgiving.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No
5. What countries did you visit?
None
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Financial freedom
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory?
March 10th, the day I actually got to meet James face to face
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting James home to Wa where he belongs
9. What was your biggest failure?
Becoming impatient with my kids
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just hugely swollen tonsils all summer long
11. What was the best thing you bought?
The Explorer, and plane tickets to see James
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My sisters, i think she may not be so stupid any more! lol Love you Peach!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ihave a few that irritated me, but I will keep them to myself
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, bills, bills....and travel
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finally being with James
16. What song/album will always remind you of 2009?
Keith Urban's Defying Gravity
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier/sadder,thinner/heavier,richer/poorer?happier, about the same and poorer...boo on the last
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Enjoying Cam being little...I did alot of it, but looking back it never seems like enough.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family
21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Hands down James
22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Well, I fell in love late in 2008, but finally got to be with that love in 2009
23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Um,
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope, frusterated with some, but not hate
26. What was the best book(s) you read?
I dont have time to read for pleasure, its all kids books or textbooks lol
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
um... I have no clue
28. What did you want and get?
James
29. What did you want and not get?
money lol
30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Star Trek was WAY better than I thought it would be and I actually really liked it, and I loved The Proposal.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ate and saw a movie with James
32. What's one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seeing my Grandparents
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Pretty much the same, basic
34. What kept you sane?
Im not sane ;)
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
no idea
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Just watching the elections I guess
37. Who did you miss?
My family...all of them
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My 8th street neighbors, Jessica, Chelsea and Craig and Aaron and their kids
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
To think for myself
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
"Even when the rain falls, Even when the flood starts rising, Even when the storm comes, I am washed by the water" - Need to Breathe, Washed by the Water
*Thanks, Delayna :) I stole this from her blog*
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